Sicker Than Your Average

Hey.

So I know you probably cant sleep or whatever, but can I just say “I love you?” I mean it. Every single time I say it, I mean it. I was listening to the songs we started falling asleep to and it just brought back so many memories of how I first felt about you.

I miss you a lot. You really don’t have an idea as to how much I do.

Please, don’t go.

I want you to always stay.

I know I make a lot of bad decisions but you said you’d stay…

Out of anyone I know or I have come across, you’re the only one I really trust.

I’m trying my best dear, and I am afraid to be alone.

You’ve always been there.

Right from the start, it felt like you’ve always been there. Been there for me. From the moment our eyes finally met, you felt as if you were never a stranger.

To me or yourself. There was a certain connection between the two of us and you know it deep in your mind and heart. You felt comfortable around me and I acted the same. Sure I might have been off-putting at first but we grew together.

That One Look.

You know the one I’m talking about. The One where I told you I didn’t like it. But truthfully, I loved it. That Look that you give me when you Love me. That Look you give me right before we kiss. That Look you gave me only after a few days of talking to each other. That Look when we stared right into each other. When you started to get closer and closer to me. That Look when we sat under the stairs and I looked down at you and you looked up at me with glowing eyes and shallow breathes. The Look you give me now when you think I’m not paying attention or when you think I’m asleep.

You gaze at me with Love. I’ve never really felt like anyone would love me the way you do. I can see it in your infinite blue eyes. But I can tell you one thing: Your love is only matched by my love for you. I don’t know what my eyes tell you, but I can say what’s on my mind.

I love you. I loved you from the start and I’ll love you forever more. I always wanted to tell you I loved you and you know it’s true. We’ve grown so much being together. We’ve gone through new experiences and I couldn’t have asked for a better soul to be with.

I know I have my downfalls and I am not the person I ought to be. In knowing you, I became the person I wanted to be. I found out what I wanted out of my life. I’m not the strongest of will but you give me that extra push I need. Whenever I think I’m down and out; that I should just give up, you tell me “no,” and guide me through it. I will owe my life to you and the only way I can repay you is to ask you to come with me. What better way to thank the person who loved you by loving them back tenfold? I have more down days than I’d like to remember but you’re rapidly replacing them with the fondest of memories.

I’ve already lived a part of my life without you; I don’t want to live another part without you.

I’ve already promised you that I’ll never leave and I intend to keep that promise.

Now, you’ve got to do the same.

I’ve got big plans for us. Big, big plans that you have no idea what they are.

I can’t promise you the World, but I can promise a World full of Us.

All that’s left to do on your part is be there to say one phrase, and one phrase only:

“I do.”

Suddenly a Laufeysdottir: What if you'd lived for a thousand years, and it was all about to end?

suddenlylaufeysdottir:

You took on a new name and ran away from your people. You kidnapped two humans, and intended to murder them because they’d discovered your blue box, and then, suddenly, these humans taught you that life has meaning… that every life has meaning, every life in the entirety of time and space. Your…

Another night without you.

I know last night we were together but one night a month is never enough. When I was heading “home,” I missed my exit but when I did I seriously considered not even going where I was supposed to. I had a feeling that I should’ve just followed the road I accidentally came across.

I never should have left. But where was I to stay? I came back and was questioned as to what I was going to do in autumn. They told me they didn’t even have enough to send me back to school. So that’s another thing to add to why I wasn’t going to go back. It’s fine. I already knew and didn’t want to go back anyways.

The worst part of my nights is when they always tell me that I have no future.

And I believe them.

They keep saying I’ll never do anything with my life and that they feel sorry for me. They say that you’ll wise up and leave. Leave because you’ll have better opportunites in store for you. I believe that. There’s no way that I can do any better than I am now and I’m barely holding on. What can I provide to you now? At least you can still better your life. I messed up my life and I can’t ask you to do the same. We joke around that I’m the reason you did so poorly but that’s the truth isn’t it? If you hadn’t have met me, your life could’ve been better. After you’re done with school, what is there to keep you with me? How about if you get a job offer in another state where you could have anything you want? You expect to take me with you? What will I do? I love you so very much but that’s all I can really offer you and love won’t put a roof over our heads, food on a table or provide for a family that I know you want. I can’t do that for you as much as I would want to. I just don’t know what to do with my own life and I can’t ask you to do the same. I am just holding you back and we both deny it. It’s the truth. If I just left and never came back, maybe everyone would be better off. I can just find somewhere to start over maybe. I can just do enough where I’ll be okay and not have to worry about messing with other people’s futures.

This is it.

The last night we had together.

Even though I wasn’t there the whole night, we got to spend some time with one another. It was a quiet little evening and you finally met the other important woman in my life. It’s amazing how much she remembers that I forgot. So many memories. Ones that hurt. Ones that still hurt. I know I was choked up for a bit remembering it all. I’m not good with emotions. Repressing Sadness really took a toll on me. I told you the reason why I’m so caring with you and the reason I’m really cliche as well. I never really knew how people showed they love each other. I want to show you the opposite. I want to give you the world. Show you everything. I want to go with you. Go anywhere. I will follow you until the end of time. You’re the reason I’m here. I didn’t make the best choices but my parents did raise a very different kind of man. I may not be “book smart,” but I’ll take my what I do know with me everywhere. My father’s outlook on life is very grim and cold but those moments when I need to be serious and make a decision are they very reflections of him. I also know of his compassion towards man kind. My mother’s endless love. I will always take that with me. Her ferocity of standing by her other half and protecting them until the end is always with me. You’re teaching me to trust and not be so self centered. I’m trying my best. All of it for you. I’m actually a wreck inside. I don’t know who I am. I’m composed most of the time but who am I? What am I to become? Who? You’re showing me who I am. I am stubborn yes, but I am also willing to journey into places I’ve never been. You’re the greatest teacher I could ever ask for. I’m learning who I am and what I will do for someone I truly love to no limit. I hope I will give you a lesson in life as well. Hopefully a good one. I love you. Very much.

Goodnight.

Sleep tight.

Sweet dreams,

My everything.

It’s been an amazing few months with you. I cannot express the amount of love I have for you. Today was fairly simple but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else in the universe. We’ve grown up as people in the short amount of time we had with each other. You showed me what it was like to really love someone. Falling in love with you was the one thing I’ve done right in my existance. I try not to think of just me, I know that I have to care for another human life and that life is far more important than mine. I have no idea when you’ll be reading this, but know that my love and devotion for you grows stronger and stronger exponentially with each passing second. We’ve created so many fond memories. Ones that I shall always hold dear to my heart. I’m leaving twenty years of sheltered life behind and I’m not looking back. The only thing I wish to take with me into the future is you. You are everything to me. You’re the reason why I wake up in the mornings. You are the reason I want to better myself and find my purpose. I’ve seen you laugh, smile, cry, and more in the months we’ve been together. I’ve tried to be next to you every step of the way. You may not always want me around, and you know my views on that. If I ever had to, I’d step aside so that you could have a better life. Until then, I will not leave you. There are literally hundreds of moments that I have created with you. Thankfully I can say that they’ve all been happier ones. I don’t want to fall asleep anymore knowing there’s time in the day I could be with you. You are absolutely timeless. Being with you is an experience on it’s own. Time doesn’t exist. A minute with you can feel like a life. Not long enough. I just sit and laugh at the exact time and moment where our lives crossed and joined paths. Such a simple twist in fate that began with a few simple words:

“Do you want to be my lab partner?”

Who knew the journey our lives would have taken from there?

todayispainted:

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

It’s all come down to this.

The last two weeks before you go home.

After nearly 6 months of spending almost every day with you, you’re leaving.

It’ll be a hard good bye because I don’t really know what it feels like to not have you around. I’m so used to you being there. You’re my everything and to have you a hundred miles away is different.

These upcoming months better go by fast.

Source: blessedwithafuckingcurse

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time spent with you, it’s this: Life. Happens.

What I mean is, I shouldn’t feel like I’m the only one in the universe to feel the way I do. There are others who have gone through worse. Things happen for a reason. I never met a soul quite so unique as yours. You are proof that even though a million things can go wrong, that out there lies one thing that can go right. I want to do right by you but knowing the things that lie in my way, I’m not the best choice. You have every opportunity to leave me and frankly, I wouldn’t stop you. Of course I love you with all my heart but it’s with that love that I know you could do better and be better without me. I don’t know where I’ll end up. I don’t know where I’m going or even if I’ll see tomorrow at all. All I know is I’m going to find out what I was meant for. I’m going to live until my last sixty seconds are up.

I would love for you to be the person to come with me. All I have to offer is my undying affection for you in the form of companionship throughout your entire life as your other half. I know it won’t pay the bills, put food on the table or promise us no worries. I’m a simple man without a plan. My journey already seems like it won’t be easy and I made it that way by myself. It’d be foolish for me to ask you to come along and bear the weight of the world with me but I wouldn’t mind if you did.

You know who you are, and you know that I wouldn’t want anyone else but you.

You know I would never leave you.

You know the Real Me.

Let’s run away.

Together. Or not at all.